Cry me a river

Some (and by some I mean Barrington) might consider me to be a crier. I cry when I'm really sad, or mad, or frustrated, or tired or even when I'm super happy. I cry for the first week or so after I have a baby. I have even cried because I'm laughing too hard. I really don't think I'm abnormal but I may be slightly above average in the crying department.

My husband has absolutely no clue about what to do when I cry. Even after nearly eleven years of marital training and desensitization, he is still unenlightened. (And, btw, the training is very simple.) He will either get frustrated, shut down completely or look like he has never seen another living soul cry. I have no idea why he can't handle it. Maybe it is because he generally seems to think that he is the cause of the teariness. Maybe he didn't get enough love when he cried as a child. Maybe it is because of his gender. Regardless, the man needs an emotional boot camp. (Or, maybe, I'm the one that needs it.) At any rate, I'm beginning to understand.

Grant is a crier. It started when he was about 1 1/2 weeks old. For an entire month, he cried EVERY moment that he was awake. (Unless he was eating.) There was nothing I could do to comfort him. I told the doctor that I felt completely incompetent as a mother. This is my third child. I, for one, thought I would have a little bit more knowledge about how to comfort a crying baby by now. But, alas, I was wrong.



I took him into the doctors at three weeks old. The doctor suggested that it might be a milk protein or soy protein allergy. I didn't believe it. But, they tested his stool and found blood. So, I decided I would try a milk and soy free diet for a couple of weeks and see what happened. The alternative was to switch him to a hypoallergenic formula which is, apparently, VERY expensive. I was given four sheets of paper each with about 40 things that might be found on a label suggesting that the product might have milk or soy in it. (I'm also off nuts because of Jackson's nut allergy.) It took me a while to figure out that my calcium supplement was made of soy. But about a week after I found food to eat and made the changes I noticed a significant decrease in the amount of crying he was doing. And the blood in his diaper disappeared. We also started him on Zantac for Reflux after experimenting with Mylanta. That has helped as well. Not only could I tell that he was WAY more content, but his hives disappeared and I could see a big difference in his diapers. (I know, TMI.)

We do have backslides when I add something to my diet that disagrees with him, like corn. The next day I could see the blood in his diaper. So, no more corn or corn products either. For the time being, I'm spending lots of money at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. They seem to have some interesting food choices for me. I'm not thrilled about the expense, though. (Why does healthier food cost more anyway?) I'm surprised that there isn't more information about this diet online. It seems pretty common and I haven't really been able to get much direction. However, I think I've figured things out. It won't be a fun six months to a year for me food wise, but it's a lot better than listening to the constant screaming.

Little Grant is doing so much better. I can put him down for 5-10 minutes while he is awake now. (He is swaddled up in his bouncy seat as I type this.) It is very freeing considering the fact that I've been holding him for nearly two months now. He will even lay in his stroller and look around as we take walks now, too. And I'm FINALLY beginning to figure him out. The baby can be rocked for hours and not fall asleep, but will fall asleep in minutes if he is in his room with his sound machine on if he is swaddled, bounced and your face touches his. He doesn't like to be around a lot of noise. (Hopefully he will grow out of that or he is in for a rocky life being part of this family.) He isn't the type that can fall and stay asleep out and about. He needs to eat every hour and a half or two hours. He is by no means a laid back baby but he is able to be comforted and that is HUGE.

I'm so grateful for the doctor's advice and that it has seemed to help make Grant feel better. It is amazing how our bodies work and how what I eat really does influence the baby since I'm nursing him. It really makes me think about how much what we take in while we are pregnant directly enters the fetus' body. I'm also more grateful than I can express for the feeling that I had during those weeks of floating. It was like I was coasting along and the crying didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I know that was divine intervention because I can be pretty anxious and on edge. And the crying didn't even make me cry once. Talk about a blessing!



For my dear father:
This is the proof that I am telling the truth about Grant and his crying since you don't believe me. This was taken just seconds after the picture of Grant and I that I posted yesterday. It is blurry, but you get the point.



AND, just for you, I tortured my baby by taking this video instead of trying to console him. (I wouldn't have been able to console him anyway.) (Yes it is sideways but it is too late and I'm too tired to convert it. You get the point, though.)

Blessed

Yesterday Grant was officially given his name and blessing by Daddy. We were quite certain that Grant would cry (which, for him, means scream) the entire time, making everyone cringe as the sound amplified through the microphone. However, the little trooper held out and didn't make a peep.



The day was a little bittersweet since we have always had all of the family and many friends there with us. Both Jackson and Luke had little "parties" at my parents home after their blessings with a cake and lots of loved ones. Things were much more simple yesterday. We did have some friends who Jimmy met on his mission and has stayed in touch with, Faye and Richard Knox, come from Detroit for the occasion.



This is our first picture as a family of five. Too bad there is a branch in front of Jimmy's head.



When we got home Jackson and I decided to have a photo shoot with Grant. Jackson took this one of Grant and I.



And I was able to get this one of Grant smiling. This is amazing since this is probably his fourth or fifth smile. I don't even think that Jimmy has seen him do it yet.

Goodbye Kindergarten

It is official and there is no denying it. Jackson is growing up. He finished kindergarten with a lovely celebration. We have been so pleased with the school and his teachers. Things started out a little rough for him since we had just moved. He also thought his teacher didn't like him. Mrs. Watson had a special talk with him and once she told him her first name, he was hooked. He often talks about how much he misses school and/or Mrs. Watson. She has also taught Barrington and I how to assist Jackson with his writing and reading skills. Since he is our first we were pretty much clueless. She was able to get him extra help with reading by going to see the reading specialist, Mrs. Zyren. Together, we were able to get him to improve a lot. He read a "first grader" book from the library this week and was VERY pleased with himself. We are so glad that his experience was a good one. He made lots of friends and is very motivated to continue learning.

Here is a video of the three classes singing Jackson's new favorite song, "Have You Ever Gone Fishing."




I love this song. Jackson gets so into it. He is behind the two girls in the front so it is hard to see him, but he is really getting down. I only wish that his class got to be in the front for this song. (I think the other teacher, who has been there longer, pulled rank to get her class in front!)



Jackson on his first day of Kindergarten:



After the celebration. Don't they look so sad to be leaving?



Jackson with his good friends; Maddy, Allison, Aiden and Maddy



His class are the first 14 or 15 kids sitting on the stage.



In a couple of short months he will enter first grade...for the WHOLE day. Time flies...

Life at Home

We came home from the hospital on a Saturday. We were greeted by flowers from Jimmy and my parents. The next day was Mother's Day. Let me just say that having your husband see you give birth is a GREAT way to motivate him to go the extra mile when it comes to celebrating a holiday. There was a fabulous flat bread sandwich brunch, a card that had the kids voices recorded and a framed picture of us that plays "Unforgettable". (He actually went to the trouble of finding a picture and framing it!) Jackson made a beautiful flower pot at school and Luke made a cute heart in the nursery at church. I even got to sleep for three hours while they all went to church. What a fabulous holiday!

Grant slept most of the first week and Jimmy took good care of Jackson and Luke which gave me lots of time to rest. My mother, then, came to help us. And help she did. She rocked Grant for hours on end. The dishes were actually done for ten days straight and she even scrubbed the fridge! She also introduced Luke to hot chocolate and napping with another person...a habit which he has not been very happy to give up.





She also came with us on our first outing to Spenser Park. Thank goodness she did because Luke was a handful trying to scurry out into the lake every chance that he got. I can't believe that I thought it might be relaxing! We were able to get him into a swing which got his mind off of the water. Grant spent his first time at the park sleeping and Jackson was all about the playground.






We were so grateful to have members of our church and neighborhood bring us lots of yummy dinners. Thank goodness for that. It was such a blessing to have food around to eat for dinner and leftovers without needing to run to the store constantly.

Since then, things have been chaotic. Luke only occasionally shows his distaste for the new baby by stomping on his head, throwing things, or head butting him. Most of the time, though, he loves to give kisses and offer paci's to Grant. He often drags me to the monitor when the baby is crying and he runs upstairs to help me get the baby. He seems to want to be held by Jimmy and I, mostly, when we are holding the baby. I spend a lot of time carrying two children around. (My back is killing me, but they will feel loved, I hope!) He seems VERY interested in Luke's belongings. He would not let go of this blanket that our cousins sent for Grant and often can be found relaxing for long periods of time in the bouncy seat.





Jackson seems relatively unphased by the whole thing despite the fact that Grant cries 99% of the time that he is awake. Jackson has been very helpful on car rides sitting between the two younger boys. I even think that the doctor and I have figured out why Grant cries so much and have found things that help (but that is for another post). I have actually ventured out to the store with all three of the boys. (Hey, we HAD to get a converter box so that I can stay awake during the 4 am feedings.)

And so, we are figuring things out. I had forgotten how much time nursing and holding a baby take. The house is a mess but we are surviving which is all we can hope for right now. With transitioning to having three kids, having a fussy baby and dealing with the housing situation I definitely feel like I have been given extra strength. Most days it doesn't seem that hard. I know that I am being assisted by something greater than I. Many days I am able to handle all of the demands on me while listening to lots of crying and whining. It is almost like I'm floating, in a way. It is definitely an adjustment, but we will get there and we will have another little personality to add to the mix. How exciting!

How to get out of a traffic ticket...

I was blessed today. I was able to get out of a traffic ticket for the first time. (Well, except for the time that I cried and the officer let me go. That's a powerful tactic. Too bad I can't make myself cry. But I digress...)

The day had gone as well as could be expected. Luke had a fever and had been crying and wanting to be held most of the day due to teething or his throat, it was hard to tell. Grant and Luke were finally sleeping at the same time for a whole 30 minutes. Score! I knew that I had to wake the baby to feed him at 2:45 to get out the door by 3:20 when I was meeting my Realtor to look at some rental homes. I was able to get there on time and Grant even slept all the way there. He continued to sleep the entire time that I looked at the first of three houses. My somewhat peaceful day changed after looking at that first house, though...

Grant began to scream once we got back in the car. My Realtor got lost at least 5 times trying to find the next house, taking it twice as long to get there. When we finally parked and I got Grant out I noticed that he had a dirty diaper...and clothes...and car seat. And, since I was only going to be gone for thirty minutes I brought nothing with me except a diaper. No wipes, no new clothes. (I shouldn't have made such a rookie mistake.) So, after looking at house two and feeling like we had to rush because the Realtor was telling her kids to hurry up and get back in the car, I told her that I needed to change the baby. It was, well, nasty. I had to use his blanket as a wipe and then I left his sleeper unsnapped because it was so yucky. His little legs were left out with no covering. (Good thing it was warm.) Back in the car we went with Grant still screaming at the top of his lungs. After getting lost another 3 or 4 times, I heard little Grant dirty diaper number two! I continued to follow the Realtor right through a light that, apparently, was a no turn on red. Turn we did and I got pulled over. ARGH!!!

The officer informed me that we were almost in an accident, that someone could have died and that I would be getting three points on my license. I've never been good at getting out of tickets and I've been, embarrassingly enough, pulled over plenty of times. Maybe I'm not cute enough or I don't know how to flirt. I don't know. But something told me to be honest and I told the man about my life. ("I'm sorry. I didn't see the sign. I was following my Realtor. I'm looking for a house because my landlords are foreclosing and forcing us out. Oh, BTW, I have a newborn in the backseat. That is him screaming. And, yes, I know that my license is from Michigan but my tag says Maryland.") Anyway, the officer looked back and saw Grant yelling his lungs out, his little body all red from crying and half naked because of his delinquent mother, and he took pity on us.

And, so, all you have to do to get out of a ticket is to carry a baby for 9 months, deliver, be unprepared, and be forced to move. Let me know if it works for you :0)

In other news, upon my arrival home Jimmy told me that he thought Luke's problem was, indeed, his throat. He took Luke to the after hours clinic and we found out that he has Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. And, today, after Jackson came home from his soccer game guess who wanted to go and take a nap for the first time in 3 years? Looks like we've got two sick kids. Come to think of it, my throat isn't feeling that great either...

At the hospital...

Because Grant was born just after midnight, we were able to stay in the hospital a few hours longer than usual. Grant and I stayed until Saturday morning. I was really looking forward to being in a quiet hospital room with a sleeping baby, but I forgot about the masses of people equivalent to a clown car that continuously made there way into the room to poke, prod or question. One morning, beginning at six am I had 13 people come in before eleven. (Nurses, aids, my doctor, the baby's doctor, a photographer, the nutritionist, breakfast, housekeeping, etc...) I sent Grant to the nursery both nights so that I could get some rest, however, I didn't bet on the baby in the next room over crying for hours in the middle of the night. I felt so sorry for the mom. I'm sure would have liked to be resting.

Anyway, all in all it was a restful time. I did forget about all of the pain and yuckiness that accompanies the first week after giving birth. So, I was glad to be where they could answer my questions and give me lovely pain medication.

On Thursday afternoon, Jimmy was going to bring the boys to see me. Because of the Swine Flu scare, they asked about the potential visitors. When I told them that Luke had a fever the previous weekend and had a rash that the doctors suspected was from the virus, they STRONGLY encouraged me not to bring him. I knew he didn't have the Swine Flu, but one of the sweet sisters in our ward who is so kind to look after me and check in on me watched Luke so that Jackson could come and meet his new baby brother.




As you can tell, he was super excited and proud.

When the pediatrician came, I talked to her about letting Luke visit the next day. She said that it was perfectly fine and that there was little to no risk of him getting ill or him passing on anything after being symptom free for almost a week. So, Friday Luke came to meet his baby. In all honesty, he was much more impressed with the adjustable hospital bed (until he figured out how to call the nurses station) and the window that overlooked the parking lot and lake.





But we did make introductions and he immediately said "bebe" and wanted to kiss him a million times while making a darling little "mmmmaa" sound.





Jimmy did such a wonderful job taking care of the boys while I was gone. I was really impressed. Now I know that the children will actually survive if I'm not around all the time. ;0)

In between resting and the visits from the boys, a photographer came by to take pictures. She was so good! It took her only a few minutes to get some beautiful shots. She even managed to take a couple of me with Grant that I thought turned out very nice considering I had just given birth, was puffy and swollen and had no make up on. I thought it was so cool to be able to send people to the website to see pictures right away. (You can view the pictures HERE, however they are the same ones that I posted in my original Baby Grant post.) I was able to access the Internet through the TV, which was nice as well.

One of the most curious things for me had to do with the nurses. They were so wonderful and really took good care of me. And the curious thing was that several of their names were names from women in my father's family. Susan, Ann and Geri, specifically. Susan and Ann are my father's sisters and Geri is one of my Great Grandmothers who passed away years ago. We share our birthday and she always called me "Princess D". These were the nurses who really spent time with me and seemed to really care. They really went over and above what they needed to do. Geri was the one that I had the greatest bond with. She reminded me so much of my Great Grandmother. She had red hair and told everyone that came into my room that they needed to take good care of me because I was special. She also brought some of her paperwork into my room to be Grant's first babysitter while I took a shower. They made an impression on me that will make me think seriously about becoming a nurse in my post-stay-at-home days. The names could have been a coincidence, but I really felt like Aunt Ann and Grandma Geri were looking down on me. (And, like Sue was checking in on me from VA, too.)

Grant choked and stopped breathing twice in the hospital. It was terrifying, but the same thing happened with Luke. I knew to pull the emergency button to the nurses who were able to revive him. And, the night before I left to go home Geri suggested that they suction his stomach to get rid of the mucus that was causing him to choke. I was nervous for him to have the procedure done. In the end, I was so grateful that she suggested it, because we have had no problems since.

And so you see, this is how I spent the two days after I had Baby Grant. (If you ever happen to be in Michigan while in labor, go right on over to William Beaumont Hospital in Troy. You are sure to have a good experience. :0)

Labor and Delivery

Although I would rather be sleeping right now, I figure that two weeks is long enough to avoid writing. I'm sure to forget details as time goes on and since I seem to have sleep-deprived-new-mommy-brain these days I'd better get things written down. So, (since I know the anticipation has been incredibly great) here is the way Grant made his entrance into the world...

Two weeks before I had the cute little guy, my doctor had me go in for an ultrasound to estimate the baby's weight. Since both Jackson and Luke were nearly nine pounds and with my Gestational Diabetes diagnosis, an ultrasound is routine during the last few weeks of pregnancy. The estimated weight was eight pounds and eleven ounces. This worried me since babies usually gain 1/2 a pound each week during the last month. So, my doctor decided to "get things moving along" by stripping the membrane when I was 38 weeks. Because of the doctors schedule and other women going into labor (the audacity of them!) I had to wait an extra few days.

Wednesday the 6th I went in and the doctor did her thing. I was told by many people that this was excruciating but it seemed just like a normal exam to me. She said that I could expect some cramping and that if the baby was ready he would come within 48 hours. I did have a little cramping but I was really busy. Luke needed to go to the doctor, we had 6 house showings, etc., etc. I called Jimmy at work and suggested that we go out to dinner since there were 3 groups of people coming to look at the house between 5 and 7.

As we were driving to the restaurant, I realized that maybe the cramping was consistent. I had cramping and/or contractions many times over the last few weeks so if I hadn't had my doctor's appointment that morning, I would have just ignored it. We timed things through dinner and then I decided that we should go home so I could call the doctor. Jimmy put the kids to bed as I called to find someone to stay the night with them. I had to call 4 people before I found someone who was actually home! Our neighbor came right over and she was so helpful, pushing us out of the door. (I did put Luke to bed that night and got really sad because I knew it would be the last time I would put him to bed as my baby.) Anyhow, Jimmy didn't really think I was in labor (as usual) and he thought we would return home in a few hours.

It was nice driving to the hospital with my husband. (With Luke I drove myself.) We got there at about 9 pm and they said that I was about 3 centimeters dilated. The nurses called the doctor and suspected that she would have me walk the halls of the hospital for a few hours. I thought that was a great joke because I was in no mood to walk for hours. Thank goodness the doctor was already at the hospital to do another delivery. She decided that she would just break my water to get things moving faster.

Well, move faster they did. She told me that she would come back and check me in an hour. At the hour mark, I had the anesthesiologist come in to give me the epidural. He put the catheter in and administered some type of narcotic that gave me a about 15 minutes of relief from the contractions but made me VERY itchy. I thought that the whole epidural was done...but I was wrong. After some pain free resting for about 15 minutes I felt some major change happen. I asked when the doctor would be back to check me and wondered why I was in so much pain. (After my epidurals with the other two I couldn't even feel the contractions or the baby being born.) This was VERY different. I felt everything and when the nurse checked me, she got a little frazzled and kept telling me not to push. It took them twenty minutes to find my doctor. (I'm pretty sure she was sleeping, judging from the way she looked when she FINALLY came into the room.) It seemed to me that the nurse was yelling at me every couple of minutes not to push. "You don't want me to deliver your baby," she kept saying. Thank goodness that Jimmy remembered some of the breathing techniques from our classes years ago. He was really helpful in getting me through things.

The doctor came in an hour and a half after she broke my water and I was ready to go. They broke down the bed and I began pushing. I was told that I pushed for about twenty minutes but it seemed a lot shorter than that to me. My jaw was shivering like crazy, which I think really scared Jimmy but I had seen it many times on reality birth shows so I knew it was normal. After little Grant's head was delivered the doctor told me to wait and I said, "NO". So I just got the little guy out.

Jimmy and I couldn't believe how small he was. (8 lbs 7 oz and 20.5 inches long) The nurses couldn't believe that we thought he was small. He was a half pound lighter than the other two and his head was in the 50% range. (The other boys had heads over 100th percentile.)

After he was born at 12:20 am, a man who had been standing there for most of the delivery, introduced himself as the other anesthesiologist who was going to administer the epidural medication and pump. That was news to me but it explained why I was in so much pain!

I was so worried that there would be issues with the baby because of things I was exposed to early in the pregnancy. (Specifically, I was injected with radioactive dye for a bone scan.) As they were checking the baby over, Jimmy told me that he was perfect...not even webbed fingers or pile toes like our older boys. He seemed to be just perfect. By the time everything was finished up, it was about 3 am. We slept for a few hours and then Jimmy left to go be with the big boys while Grant and I hung out and rested in the hospital.

The experience, although much more painful than my other births, was wonderful in other ways. I felt an immediate bond with the baby, something that took weeks to develop with the other two. Maybe it was from being alert and not medicated. Maybe because the delivery was so short. Maybe it was because I've done this twice before. I'm not sure, but it was lovely to feel excited to have him and to just want to cuddle him and get to know him.

And so this is how we got to meet our newest little one, cute sweet Grant. We are so happy to have him.

Mother of the Year

Check out my new honor!

Important News Update

Baby Grant

Grant Alexander Wilkins arrived Thursday, May 7 at 12:20 am. He weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and is 20.5 inches long.

Here are some lovely pictures:

Baby Grant

Life is funny...

This weekend has been full of last minute baby preparations, eleven house showings, a sick (and VERY clingy)one year old and a few comical events.

My husband works with the young men at church. One of the fourteen year-olds has been asking to come over and watch a couple of Disney shows and make a sandwich called a Fluffernutter. (I've never had one, but they look disgusting.) Anyway, I was impressed that the hubby went to the trouble of picking up the lad, Googling the sandwich recipe and purchasing the ingredients. Jackson was pretty excited to have someone come over too.

So amid several Realtors walking through our home and interrupting the "party" this young man tried to watch his television shows. (Things are a bit more complicated because he is blind and wanted to find the shows himself, however, we have a different cable company than he does and we didn't know what networks were on what channels which made him pretty frustrated.) In addition, he was so mean to little Jackson! In his words, "Jackson, I came here to watch your tv and that's what I'm going to do!" I thought he also wanted our company, but at least we knew what he had in mind. I had to talk to him about being nicer to Jackson and he tried to be more friendly. After he gave up on tv, he wanted to set up the satellite radio that he brought to show us. Well, we scanned through the menu several times only for him to get more and more upset. Why? My husband said it best: "I get the feeling that you are trying to access a channel that your parents have blocked and that you are trying to crack the code." So, I'm pretty sure this young guy had a plan to come over, watch tv that his parents didn't approve of and listen to the radio station that his parents had blocked. I'm not sure why he thought we would be the perfect family to pull one over on, maybe that is just how we come across. This post doesn't express the humor of the situation, but when it all came together I found the chaos SO funny!

Later in the day, we were sitting outside and I was looking at the millions of dandelions in my yard. We don't want to pay to have them sprayed or buy spray ourselves because we aren't going to be here much longer. But, what an embarrassment! We are seriously the only house on the block with a yellow lawn! Jackson picked a couple up to blow them and I said something like, I will give you $50 if you pick up all of them. Well, I was only joking but I should have known that that kid would be working for hours to get that money! He really did work hard, but in order to get him to come in for bed, I told him that I would count them and give him $.25 for each one. Of course, I wasn't about to count all of those, so I told him to count them. I heard him get to one hundred and then the numbers drastically changed. From the deck I heard; "Mom, what comes after 99 Gagillion?" Yes, he did work hard, but he's NOT getting THAT much money!

As for our housing situation, it is like doors are slamming all around us. Maybe I'm not supposed to be worrying about this until after the baby comes. It really is becoming comical to me or I could just be delirious. Two realtors who were going to show me around ended up canceling on me, a house I was going to see was rented 5 minutes before I saw it, another house had an offer placed on it. The final straw was when I went to an open house to find no one there. It turns out that the Internet listed it on the wrong day and it was the day before. I guess the Big Guy has the perfect place all mapped out for us...or maybe we are just supposed to move back to Maryland?

Now, hopefully, I'm going to go have a baby that doesn't weigh in at 10 pounds. When I return, my only hope is that we won't be homeless! (I guess we won't because we do have a couple of tents :0) ) So, the saga drags on...